Monday, January 4, 2010

Being the Bad Guy

I had to be the bad guy today and I absolutely HATE it.
I have a daugther that, in her short three year driving career has had a total of five accidents. Two were minor (one cost us $500), one was major (we were hoping we wouldn't get sued), one was not her fault and one was just plain stupid (got stuck so gunned the engine and pulled the ENTIRE front bumper off, $1500 repair)
My husband and I decided that enough was enough. The next time an incident occurred she would bear the cost of the deductable plus the monthly/yearly increase in premiums that occurred. Well, I ended up being the heavy, the bad guy, the mean one, because I am the one who had to deliver the bad news.
It would have been easy to say nothing; in fact, I am still thinking on one hand I should have, make my non confrontational hubby speak up. However, my daughter needs to learn responsibility and to be a more careful driver.
I have seen her drive and she drives too fast, does not fully stop at stop signs and follows too closely. I know for a fact she talks on her phone and, sadly, probably texts as well.
How can I, as her mother, someone responsible for teaching her personal responsibility, not hold her accountable for her actions?
She argues that she didn't do it on purpose, that she wasn't doing anything wrong, "accidents" are just that, accidents. I reply that in her short three years of driving she has had more accidents than I have had my entire life. There is something that isn't working, obviously, that she needs to pay attention to.
So, I am left being the heavy, the bad guy. I comfort myself in the fact that, while I am "the mean one", I am doing what is best for her. I guess that is also part of the sacrifice of being a mother. *sigh*
If it saves her from another accident, from her getting injured or someone else, it will be worth it. If it makes her develop responsibility, then it was worth it.
I just hate being "mommy dearest".


  1. Aw, this one is rough. You're definitely doing the right thing though, even though I bet it's har. It's not like you're not letting her drive anymore, you're just giving her an extra incentive to be more careful - which is definitely not a bad thing.

    I've been driving for 3 years now too, and I think it would be a good thing if more parents said that to their kids! LOL

  2. Wow!! I just barely got in my first accident in October, definitely wasn't my fault, guy hit me with 3 kids in the car and took off =( Very scary. I shudder at the thought of my girls growing up and learning to drive... Yikes!! Very scary I am sure, I'm sure your heart sinks everytime you hear she got in another one!

    I do not blame you one bit. Who cares (I know, we say it, but we do care) if she thinks you are the mean/bad guy.... Maybe putting your foot down will knock some sense into her and she will see that she needs to practice better driving habits.

    I do not envy you on this one! =)