Friday, January 21, 2011

Heard behind my back...

I think we all struggle with feeling a little inadequate, that we are just not (insert your own insecurity) enough or waaay too much of (insert second insecurity).  I stuggle to just try to be myself, friendly, honest, kind and to be happy with that.  You'd think at my age I would have conquered that.

Last night, at a group I go to monthly with women I have known for 15 or more years, most who I think are my friends I hear this:

"Leave it to Amy to say that"

"WTH?  What does that mean?"  Unfortunately that struck such a cord with me I didn't have the courage to turn around and say that outloud.  It just fueled all the little vermin insecurities I have and flamed them into a fire.  Turning me into the jr. high girl who isn't one of the popular kids and being reminded she isn't good enough to be so.   The thing that really bothers me is that, regardless of what I said, this shows what she really thinks of me, the attitude towards me, contempt, toleration after all these years, etc. 

The adult in me says to just ignore it.  That person really doesn't know me AT ALL, really never has liked me much so let it go.  But there is still that little lump in my throat, that little ache in my belly, the little vermin whispering in my ear..".yeah, you are not (insert insecurity) good enough".

So, I'm going to call my best friend, have some lunch with her and all will be better....almost.


  1. You don't know me from Adam, but I lurk here and drool over your jewelry and just wanted to say--so sorry that you had to deal with vermin. I just don't understand why it is that women have such a hard time playing nice. Glad you have a best friend to help ease the ouch----I'll go back to lurking now :0)

  2. There's something very therapeutic about going over what you could have/should have said in your head. It doesn't stop the nagging you get from stuff like that -- but it's helpful!